Buzz:Frozen(2010)

Director:Adam Green

Writer:Adam Green

Cast: Kevin Zegers,Shawn Ashmore,Emma Bell

Acting:A

Entertainment:B+

Rewatchability: B

Overall:A

Do you hate heights?If you do you might want to stay away from Frozen,the new film from Hatchet director Adam Green.I think of the film as Open Water on a ski-lift,only I believe this film is better acted,written and produced.

The plot: 3 College students decide to go skiing for the weekend,only all doesn't go as planned as the 3 of them end up stranded on a chairlift 50 feet above the ground with no help in sight or coming.What would you do?

The main thing I really liked about this film was the dynamic between the three friends.You have Dan and Joe,friends since childhood who have done everything together including going skiing,but that friendship is somewhat strained here as Dan decides to bring his girlfriend Parker along for the trip.Joe is clearly against these plans and feels it should be guys only but there is nothing he can do.Dan and Joe(played by Kevin Zegers and Shawn Ashmore)have a great chemistry acting wise in this film,it really does feel like they're friends in real life.Some of the dialogue between them is hilarious and a nice little touch of humor to a pretty intense film("Sarlaac Pit")Actually all 3 of the friends including Parker are pretty likable which is a credit to them and Green in a world where most teenage characters are either annoying or bland.Emma Bell in particular really portrayed that sense of fear quite convincingly.

The first half of the film is great as we get to know the characters as they are thrust into this horrible predicament and debate on what to do next knowing there may not be any help coming until the following Friday.The only complaints I've heard about this film have been on certain decisions the characters made and an added element of danger which is a little harsh in my book being that no film today can be completely realistic.Just go with the flow,enjoy the film and stop trying to analyze every decision they make.

Another part about this film I really enjoyed was the fact that the actors themselves were really on a skilift in the freezing cold,what you saw there was not cgi.I loved that...cause I despise most cgi.Knowing these characters were really on a ski-lift in those conditions adds a bit more of realism to the film.

I almost forgot to mention the score in this film is great,it's not overbearing or loud,it just fits the tone and outlook of the film perfectly.

Closing:Frozen is a well written film and tense thriller with drawn out characters who you can relate to.It is definitely better and a more serious film than Hatchet and Green is surely someone I look forward to making more movies

Happy 22 Bday Vanessa Hudgens

I don't care and I am not ashamed to admit....she is smoking Hot.Something about her..those legs,...those legs,that devilish cute smile.
and she's single now!!!

X-mas slasherathon day 2: Black Xmas

Director:Glen Morgan

Writer:Glen Morgan,Roy Moore

Cast:Mary Elizabeth Winstead,Lacey Chabert,Katie Cassidy,Michelle Trachtenberg

Acting:C

Entertainment:C

Rewatchability:D

Overall:C-

When I heard Black Christmas(74) was getting remade..I had my doubts,I mean not many horror remakes are done right,yet the trailers for it made it seem like at the very least it could be a fun holiday themed slasher.It was neither fun,scary or anything like the original,gone was the suspense,creepiness,mystery and intrigue of the original..replaced by over-the-top antics and a ridiculous backstory.

The Plot:Much like the original,a group of girls decide to spend the Holiday at their sorority house with Ms Mac rather than track home. The tree is up and the presents are ready to be opened plus a huge snowstorm has blanketed the town. Soon they start receiving disturbing phone calls from Billy,the kid who used to live at this sorority house and who killed his mother and stepfather before being locked up in a mental institution.Of course he escapes from the institution using a broken candy cane as a weapon..wow...really?yes really.....and decides to go home to his favorite house for the Holiday.

The original Black Christmas was so scary cause you never really know who the killer was,though we are led to believe it may or may not be a certain someone.Also the fact that we have no idea why they are doing it or any clue about their origins which is far scarier than making some ridiculous back-story which is exactly what did Black Xmas did. Billy watched his real dad get murdered and was forced to have sex with his own mother..which in turn got her pregnant with his unborn sister/daughter.Soon Agnes is born(the inbred)..Billy kills his mom and stepdad and makes cookies out of his moms skin.pulls Agnes's eye out with his bare-hands....wow..really?yes really...That whole storyline and way its played out is far more comical than anything.Add to this that Billy has some liver condition that makes his skin look Yellow.And before long Agnes and Billy are working together like a tag-team..awww so cute.

Now to this sorority sisters,boring,boring and boring.The only one who was somewhat respectable was Katie Cassidy's character.The rest looked like they just mailed in their performances.

The scares were non-existant,no tension what-so-ever..just kills.Even the phone calls which were so terrying and creepy in the original were done poorly here.The only thing this film had that the original didn't was gore,and it wasn't needed in the original cause everything else was done so perfectly.Here we have eye-balls pulled out and people being eaten and you can't help but laugh...or cry.

It's a shame this film was done so poorly and over-the-top because there was potential to make a decent remake but they forgot everything that made the original so great.It's completely forgettable..I am ashamed I even own it.I'm sorry Bob Clark.

She is hot

Lacey Chabert

MaCauley Culkin=One lucky SOB

That does not equate to this below

It just isn't right,it won't last will it.It's like beauty and the freak.Mila can do so much better....so much better
I'm available..call me

X-mas slasherathon day 1: Silent Night,Deadly Night

Director: Charles E. Sellier Jr

Writers: Paul Caimi, Michael Hickey

Cast: Robert Brian Wilson,Linnea Quigley,Lilyan Chauvey

Acting:B

Entertainment:B

Rewatchability: B

Overall:B

SNDN takes that lovely,jolly,and gift bearing Santa Claus you loved as a kid and turns him into a murdering, marauding psycho Claus. SNDN is violent,messed up,evil and earns a place as one of the better holiday themed slashers.

The Plot:Poor Billy(6 or 7 yrs old) has one of the worst Christmas Eve's ever,first his aging Grandfather who is mentally ill scares Billy to death with a tale about a vengeful St Nick,then later that same night Billy see's his parents killed by a man...a man that happens to be dressed like Santa Claus.Billy and his younger brother who was an infant at the time of the slaying are sent to an oprhanage. Billy like most people would imagine has some serious mental problems,especially when it gets close to Christmas.It doesn't make matters any better that the orphanage is run by the evil Mother Superior who forces Billy to do incredibly evil things like drawing Christmas pictures and sitting on Santas lap.Neither works really well,so Mother Superior beats poor Billy with her belt and ties him down to the bed.We then fast forward ten years and Billy is now a hulking young man who is given a job as a stocker in a toystore.All starts out well until.......Christmas time approaches and Billy is forced to dress as.....Santa Claus himself.We can only guess what happens next.

Seeing Santa Claus kill people is quite disturbing even for an adult,it just goes against everything our minds have been programmed for,but it is an amazing idea to capture on film.The toystore massacre is one of the best parts of the film,the part where Billy finally completely snaps,not to say that some of his co-workers didn't have it coming. PUNISH!!!!!..PUNISH!!!... Even after this it is still somewhat hard to hate Billy that much,we can sympathize with him and after all that happened to him. He doesn't stop there though,he decides to make a few house calls to those that were naughty before reaching his final stop....the orphanage where Mother Superior still rules.

There are some great kills in this movie,my personal favorite being the sledding kill/decapitation.

There are a few downright hilarious parts featuring the police in this movie who completely fuck up multiple times when chasing the murdering Santa Claus. You don't just shoot unarmed pedestrains....yet alone unarmed pedestrians dressed like Santa.It's just not good for business.

Some other funny parts are

-an 8 year old can knock a grown man to the floor bleeding

-you can hang a 200 lb man from Christmas lights

-toystores stock real bows and arrows that are able to kill another human being

Oh and we get to see Linnea Quigley topless again!!!

SNDN is perfect to watch around Christmas time..It's not a good film,it's somewhat sleazy but it's brutal,twisted,evil,disturbing yet somehow so entertaining you can't stop from grinning time to time.Maybe we all have sick twisted fantasies of dressing up like St Nick and killing random,obnoxious people and coworkers...for all our sakes I hope not.

Buzz:Pig Hunt(2010)

Director:James Isaac

Writer: Robert Mailer Anderson, Zack Anderson

Cast: Travis Aaron Wade, Tina Huang and Howard Johnson Jr.

Acting:C

Entertainment:C

Rewatchability:C

Overall:C

Pighunt seemed like it could be a fun throwback to the old animal run amok films but it ultimately fails by not having enough tension ,scares, or likable characters.Not to mention the monster pig/boar is barely shown which actually turned out to be a shame cause it looked really cool.

The Plot:John decides to take his friends to his deceased uncle's house out in the boondocks for a guys weekend with guns and to hunt wild pigs.Oh yea his girlfriend is along for the ride as well.

Out in the boonies they find fields of marijuana and are soon threatened by crazy red necks, including the Tibbs brother, and the crazy cult girls.Not to mention the legend of the Ripper is in the back of all their minds.Supposedly the ripper is a murderous 3000 pound wild black boar that will destroy anything in his way.

The bad: The characters were so annoying and unlikable that I kept hoping that every scene would be their last. The token black seemed to be the most annoying,trying to act all bad-ass and tough all the time.The supposed friends didn't even seem like friends which only made it more unbelievable.

It's flat out boring also,nothing remotely interesting happens unless of course you care about these characters...Cause if you somehow do,there is a lame city folk vs country-folk plot line trying to flesh itself out.Like I stated earlier the worst part is we don't see the god damn wild black board until the last scene of the film and by then it's way too late.

Is there anything good? Yes for the 15 seconds we see the boar,it looks badass.

The final say:It's not worthy of a longer review,I'm sure this will be on the scy-fy channel in the not to distant future where it will fit in perfectly.It's a shame it ended up like this cause I dug the idea of a new animal run amok film,specially one about a giant killer boar.

Buzz:The Human Centipede

Director:Tom Six

Writer:Tom Six

Cast: Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams and Ashlynn Yennie

Acting:B

Entertainment:B+

Re-watchabilty:B

Overall:B

The Human Centipede is exactly what it sounds like,and it is a very bizarre and odd premise for a movie.A sick premise as well.However it's actually not as gross or explicit as one would think after hearing that title and it's a solid independent horror flick.

Where would someone get the idea to make a movie like this...Well director and writer Tom Six said after watching a child molester on Tv he told friends they should stitch his mouth to a fat truck drivers ass...for his punishment..and voila ..The Human Centipede idea was born.And it is 100% medically accurate according to Tom Six as well.

The Plot: Two American girls,Lindsay and Jenny are on some sort of road trip through Europe.In Germany on their way to a night club they get a flat tire in the middle of the woods.

Desperate and with no signal on their cellphones they make their through the woods to an isolated villa.A German man answers the door and lets them come in,before long Lindsay and Jenny awaken in some basement hospital room tied up to beds.We then find out this German man is actually a surgeon named Dr Heiter who specialized in separating Siamese twins but now he has other ideas.With the two girls and another Asian man ,Dr Hieter(played by Dieter Laser) plans to be the first person ever to connect people together through their gastric systems(anus to mouth to anus).In doing so he hopes to bring together his twisted fantasy of a living,breathing Human Centipede.

Like I mentioned earlier the film isn't as hard to watch as it sounds.The gore is there bit its somewhat minimal and you don't see what you thought you'd see. The grossest part is when the lead of the centipede says he's has to shit..and well I won't tell you the rest but it's watchable.More than gore the focus off most of this film is aftermath of the operation and the toll it takes on the three human beings that are in this horrible predicament.

It's hard to even classify this movie,is it horror,sci-fi,drama,thriller,it definitely has a bit of all those elements so it's kind of hard to call this a straight out horror flick. There really isn't much scares in it but there is some nice buildup and tension,in particular the scene where Lindsay and Jenny first arrive to the villa.You know something just isn't right with this dude the second you meet him But not to obvious where it wouldn't be believable the girls actually decided to trust him.

The film may not be hard to watch visually but it is tough to watch emotionally.There really is no hope for these poor three saps and they begin to suffer more and more,both physically and mentally. You really feel for these three people and hope to god there isn't someone out there in the real world sick enough to do something like this.

The acting is somewhat solid,both girls,played by Ashley C. Williams and Ashlynn Yennie do a good job portraying fear and both come off as likable girls.

Needless to say Dr Heiter played by Dieter Laser really stole the show.I don't know what this dude does in real life but he was so believable that I wouldn't even know he's acting.He seemed to enjoy this role a little too much perhaps.His mannerisms and facial expressions are downright disturbing and cringe worthy.Also the way he talked with no emotion or forgiveness really got to me as well.

So should you see the Human Centipede or not?It's definitely a solid movie,well acted with some good tension but I say everyone should see this for one reason...i'm sure its like nothing you've seen before or will see again.