Buzz:Piranha(2010)

Director:Alexandre Aja

Writers:Pete Goldfinger,Josh Stolberg

Cast:Elisabeth Shue,Jerry O'Connell,Ving Rhames, Kelly Brook,Riley Steele, Steven R McQueen

Cameos:Richard Dreyfuss,Christopher Lloyd, Eli Roth,Greg Nicotero, Gianna Michaels,Ashlynn Brooke

Acting:A

Enetrainment:A+
Rewatchability:A

Overall:A

Piranha!I think everyone who saw the trailers for this movie knew what they would be getting.An old-school B movie 80's exploitation flick.Blood,bikini's and Boobs,the three B's,And this film doesn't let you down.

Obviously a remake of Joe Dante's Piranha,though very ,very loosely as Aja Piranha takes things to a whole nother level.One that I can't believe got passed as a R rated flick by the MPAA.But I'm damn happy it did.

Instead of the militarized Piranha in Dante's film,here in Aja's we have a prehistoric breed of the killer fish which ultimately have been set loose due to chain reaction underwater seismic event.And this time they are set to cause carnage and destruction on the town of Lake Victoria,which is a huge hot-spot every year for Spring breakers.

Forced to deal with this are Sheriff Julie Forester(Elisabeth Shue),and her deputy(Ving Rhames)and a visiting marine paleontologist(Adam Scott).

Meanwhile Sheriff Foresters son Jake is suppose to babysit his brother and sister but instead ditches them to take set with a Joe Francis like sleazy adult film maker named Derrick Jones played brilliantly by Jerry O'Connell and his two bodacious stars Danni and Crystal,played to a t by Kelly Brook and porn-star Riley Steele.Talk about eye candy for us guys.Things don't go too well as Jake's brother and sister manage to get stranded on a little island in the middle of the Lake and soon after the prehistoric Piranha decide its time to feast on slutty big boobed and drunk spring breakers indulging in wet t-shirt contests and everything else that takes place during this wild time of year.

So there isn't that much of a plot here in Piranha but so what,this is a throwback to 80's slashers and exploitation flicks that featured tons of gore,gruesome killing's and lots of boobies and sex.Aja nails it here.The gore is just insane here,I don't think I've ever seen a movie with so much.Spring breakers are torn apart limb from limb,boobs are torn off,implants torn out,a penis bit off,and that's just some of the standouts I can remember,the one attack scene in particular which should go down in history has so much carnage that you could prolly write a book on all the stuff that happened to these poor saps as they desperately try to escape the demon fish's wrath.Look for a cameo by special effect designer and icon Greg Nicotero.Speaking of Nicotero,his work and Howard Burger's is amazing.

Onto the boobies and gratuitous nudity. Once again it's really amazing what this film got away with.Yes all you guys will be in heaven as we are treated to boobies and lots of them.We are treated to an amazing underwater make-out session/ballet between naked Kelly Brook and Riley Steele(whose body I could stare at ll day along),which is in the film for nothing more than titillation..But hey I got no problem with that whatsoever,though I doubt many ladies will find this amusing or entertaining,well go watch Sex and the City then.We even have boobie cameo's from more porn-stars,most notably,Gianna Michaels and Ashlynn Brooke.

So what else stands out?Well the acting is surprisingly good especially from Jerry O'Connell who really let loose as the sleazy adult film maker type.He really looked like he was enjoying it,and some of his line's were just flat out hilarious." It's not cheating if it's with another girl! "

Elisabeth Shue was also quite likable and charming as the Sheriff,her and Jake played by Steven R McQueen had good chemistry as well.Adam Scott was pretty funny as well.

The cameo's:Richard Dreyfuss as an old broke down Hooper and Christoper Lloyd as a crazy pet-store owner added some credibility to the flick even if their screen time was limited. Lloyd in particular looked like he just stepped out of the Delorean from Back to the Future.

Onto the cgi:Yes the cgi piranha are bad at certain points but there is also something cool about how vicious they look(I loved the closeup of the one piranha's face after missing potential prey) and how they dart around.Anyways,who really cares if they don't look real,this isn't Avatar.

Closing:Piranha is exactly what it should have been.A B-Movie creature feature flick with cheesy dialogue,over the top kills and hammy acting..Oh and of course with lots and lots of boobies.

P.s-Riley Steele..OMG

Blu-rays I hope to see this coming year

• Candyman
• Hellbound:Hellraiser
• The Hills Have Eyes(Aja's)
• the ring
• ringu
• scream
• the gate
• Halloween 2
• Phantasm
• Jaws
• re-animator
• Of unknown Origin
• Happy Birthday to me
• Demons
• Ils
• Martyrs
• the changeling

Buzz:The Exorcist:The Beginning

Director: Renny Harlin

Writer:William Wisher Jr,Caleb Carr

Cast:Stellan Skarsgard,Izabella Scorupco

Acting:C

Entertainment:D

Rewatchability:D

Overall:D

Beginning of the end is more like it,cause this film didn't have a chance from the get go. For one we all know the problem, Paul Schrader was the original director but the studio wasn't happy that he made a film with suspense but no horror so Renny Harlin(the long kiss goodnight) was brought on board. None for more action sequences,Harlin was allowed to re-shoot and even re-cast the film.Wow,doesn't that get you excited for this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Plot: Set in post world war II Africa,Lankester Merrin(Stellan Skarsgard) is an archaeologist who has lost is faith and meaning due to some horrific events he witnessed by the Nazis. So enter a mysterious man who offers Merrin a large sum of money to investigate after a ancient Catholic Church turns up in an area of Africa where there shouldn't be one.He of course is interested despite his conflicting faith. Once in Africa he is joined by a young priest named Rome and by a beautiful lady named Sarah or should I say a beautiful doctor.

Bad things of course happen soon after,the natives aren't happy and know something evil is there, children are tortured and victimized while horrible looking cgi Hyenas create havoc .The film is very,very slow but no suspense or tension of any kind is built up.Instead the film lumbers along as the audience really isn't interested one bit. It's the complete opposite of the Exorcist which got more and more intense,unsettling and disturbing as the film progressed.We truly could not believe our eyes as to what was happening and it all felt so real .Here in the beginning there is nothing unsettling at all,and we really felt no sympathy towards any of the characters,even the little children.

The final showdown or battle is also quite lame and features a plot twist that you could see coming from miles away.It featured bits of dialogue from the original to try and make the connection but it all seems far too forced.And I almost thought I was watching Spiderman 4 in a cave.

Acting wise,all were forgettable besides Stellan Skarsgard who didn't have much to work with.Izabella Scorupco was nice to look at and she didn't deliver the goods we all wanted to see.

In closing The Exorcist:the Beginning is a film that didn't need to be made and probably was doomed from the start.I think this killed the Exorcist franchise for the time being until some new Hack comes along.So really....forget this film was made.

Buzzline:This movie needs to be exorcised.

Today's Pic and babe of the day

Janet Montgomery

The Hills Run Red, Wrong Turn 3, The Human Target

Snap UP!!Piranha Blu-ray this Tuesday!

I know I will,hope it's just as enjoyable without the 3d

Buzz:The Last Exorcism

Director:Daniel Stamm

Writers:Huck Botgo,Andrew Gurland

Cast:Patrick Fabian,Ashley Bell,Louis Herthum

Acting:A

Entertainment:B+

Rewatchability:B

Overall:A

Directed by Daniel Stamm,Eli Roth's presents the Last Excorcism got a lot of mixed reviews and a lot of backlash for the ending,I can't really understand either cause for the most part the Last Exorcism a stylish,tight and effective thriller/pseudo-documentary with outstanding performances, especially from Cotton,played by Patrick Fabian. The only thing that this film suffered from was maybe the misleading name,not that its not about an exorcism but because I think too many people expected it to be like the Exorcist(unfair comparision).The working title was Cotton which really would have fit the movie better but before that it was to be the Ivanwood Exorcsim,which I'm not crazy about either.Given the tone and what really happens in the film,Cotton would have been my choice but hey I'm just a blogger.

The Plot:Reverend Cotton Marcus is a minister in Baton Rouge Louisiana and a fraud,he has no faith anymore due to an article he read of a boy being killed during an exorcism which in turn reminded him of his own disabled son. He makes a mockery out of everything he preaches,even saying his audience will listen and follow any sermon even if it's a recipe for his moms Banana Bread.He is an entertainer and has become quite the big name and become somewhat famous.Every week he gets tons of mail from people including tons of people who claim to need him for Exorcisms.So he randomly picks one piece of mail which happens to be from Louis Sweetzer,a devout religious man and asking for Cotton to come and perform an Exorcism on his troubled daughter .

Cotton decides to take his docu-crew with him to expose Exorcism for the fraud it is.Once he gets to the Sweetzer farm he meets the Sweetzers,Dad Louise, son Caleb and the troubled but lovely Nell,who Louise think its responsible for killing all his livestock and possessed.Cotton thinks it just another routine exorcism for him,so he wires up Nell's room with all his fake traps and sounds which is a very cool scene how he rigged everything up and performs the "exorcism".Cotton claims the demon is gone from Nell and that everything is gold,so him and his crew leave and decide to spend the night ina motel on the way back home.Only one thing happens,they are awakened in the middle of the night by a confused,shaken and almost hypnotic Nell,who somehow managed to know where they were staying

Of course after this Cotton and company are drawn back to the Sweetzer farm where Louise demands Cotton do another exorcism,while Cotton urges Louise to get a psychiatrist to look at Nell.This dilemma happens to be one of the main themes of the film as well,you have religion(Louise) vs Science(Cotton).We all are on one of those sides.which one?Cotton at this point has no idea what to do,he's questioning his own beliefs since it was he who earlier even stated that if you believe in god you have to believe in the devil and demons and starts to wonder if Nell really is possessed after more odd behavior from her.So Cotton gives in and decides to do a second exorcism which in turn leads to a rather unexpected ending.

So what did I like about the Last Exorcism?For starters love just how far away from Hollywood it felt.It's got heart

The whole swampy Louisiana setting really fit the movie to a tee,it is bible thumping country and there really are people so far isolated from the rest of the population that they are almost in their own little world.

I loved Patrick Fabian's performance as Cotton, who despite being a fraud and coming off as a smarter than you still was genuinely likable.Ashley Bell as Nell was also very good,she didn't overact and she was directed to look at both real exorcism documentation as well as psychological disorders that could account for her behavior.Also those contorted positions she did really were her since she did ballet and is double jointed.

The first half of the film is also great as it's almost somewhat of a satire on religious fundamentalists. It also is lighthearted which might not sit well with some horror fans,but it ultimately disarms us by raises the stakes in the final act.

I also really dug the documentary style,kudos to Daniel Stamm for which I normally don't care for all that much,I thought it was well done here specially with his cameraman Daniel,who really is us the audience.

Another great part was the questions it raises...is Nell really possessed? or is she just a really troubled young girl?perhaps even schizophrenic...There are hints that support both sides but really it's on us to come to our own conclusions.The other question It raised as I mentioned earlier is the is the evil human or is the evil supernatural as in science vs religion.

And stop reading now if you haven't seen it but I liked the ending. Sure the whole satanic cult comes somewhat out of the blue,I was almost leaning towards the angle that the Sweetzers were pulling one over on Cotton but it does tie everything together nicely if you were paying close enough attention.And in the end the whole visit to the Sweetzers was Cottons destiny and really one big test of faith for Cotton.Can he save Nell and himself and will god even forgive him?That;s what I took from it.

Buzzline: I believe in Cotton,does God?

Mila DUMPS Macauley!

Ok,so I don't know if she really did or if It was a friendly split or If maybe she saw my previous post telling her to lose him but I don't care,I'm just happy she finally came to her senses and got rid of the freak has-been.Plus her career is on the upswing and his..well I don't know where his career is,but she doesn't need him holding her down.

Call me, Mila!!!